Today

I am still wired from the events of today. My head is still shaking left to right trying to snap out of the daze I am in. I am still looking outside the window wanting to stay inside because outside the door, reality sets in. My hair is still raveled because of the mystery of it all. I am remembering what happened and am unable to recover the thoughts, because today was a tangible lucid dream that was not at all real. Today unlike any other day I have had in over 5 years has me so lost and nervous and excited and dreamy and anxious and afraid and curious and still and loose and open and incredible and sober and in a very unforgiving energy that I am unable to shake. Something someone shook me to the core and took me to a place I have envisioned but never believed. Something took my inhibitions and brought them to the frontal lobe and said, its OK with me. In this safe place there is nothing and no one that matters in this moment but you and me. It is just the space between now or never that matters, and this is what is urgent, you are what matters right now. You are the song I want to sing, the dance I want to dance, the music I want to hear. Outside this space clouds dimmed the sun casting a blue hue so very rich and strong enclosing the force begging to burst through. Moments danced across my shoulders waiting to happen. Memories were yearning to be made remembered and forgotten or stored in the caves of my consciousness. Silence was the sound I heard pounding my ears as my heart stood still and pliable. The grips of self and logic were sifted through my hands like putty. For this moment in this time in this place in this space, this was dream fulfilled. This was mine, this was what movies are made of. This is all that mattered. This is the reason behind the question, why?

I sit and look at you unable to reach you because you are gone to a different place and in that place I am invisible. I breath you in holding my exhale for fear that the release will dissipate and whisk you away too soon and never bring you back. I became numb and immobile with fear. Paralyzed from the eyes out, too many thoughts too fast. Too many numbers too little sequences. Right on point, body just at the right angle for luxury. Transfixed by the weight of the control slipping into oblivion it was in the final tic that it was too much. I opened my mouth and exhaled and let the fear win. I was completely in its trance and fell into bed and the cold air outside the space sent me into chaos.

What was that?