Better

Sometimes there are tough decisions that have to be made. People will get hurt and pain will most certainly ensue. However one decision cannot be compromised, the walk of Faith. When one decides to walk in Christ, be prepared for battle but also be comforted knowing that victory is in Christ. When I decided to follow after Him, I did not know who or what would impact my life. I had no idea that there would be as much pain as I have experienced, but I am so thankful. I am thankful because through the pain I have consistently returned to the love of the Father. Many have come and gone, and because of that I have not fully opened my heart to love. Yes I love, but I cannot with honesty say that I am convinced. I have come to realize that when you say you are a believer, your fruit will speak volumes. More than money, success, fame or any other selfish gain, I want God pleased with my life. I believe that to love me is to first Love GOD. Because I am a parent then the love for me has to include loving my children. At no point in love should there ever be a bending of the rules for any reason. This has become my life, but this will not be my life. I have promised over and over again to not do this or that, to only be in the exact contradiction. And why, because of what...some fallacy of love? There is a wind of change blowing in my life and I have to be free to be able to embrace it. I cannot make the will of God right my wrong, nor can I dare think I can change anyone. I have tried to be what one needs, but my needs ( obedience in Christ) have been suppressed. The inevitable decision has to be made and with all that is within me I do not want to have to go through this process yet again. But as for me and my house we shall serve the Lord. I have not walked as I have talked, I am hiding a sin that has me trapped, but I choose to walk in Freedom.
I apologize for my disservice, I repent for my disobedience. I accept forgiveness. I will not let this go any further, it is my soul that is at risk and for the first time in a long time, I get it. I know and understand that the wages of sin....death! As I stated at the beginning, some decisions have to be made and sometimes people will not like the outcome. I thank you for the time and do not want there to ever be a question of my sincerity or appear selfish. I am praying as I always have...that the will of God be done.
If only I can make this better, if only I had listened to the Spirit of truth and not my flesh..if only my healing was complete, I could have made a better decision and be a better woman.

Lord help me to not fall again for a lie, lead and guide me, protect and cover my heart. Show me how to love, teach me your ways....please help me to listen to your voice and every decision be your will.

Moment in Life

'But have you ever had that moment life, where everything was cool. Didn't have to worry about the time? You were having the greatest moment in life..' These are not my words but if there is a song that could relate to the yesterday it would be..Moment in Life by Musiq, off the soul star album. It's funny, but I am convinced God has a great sense of humor. I feel like the ground under my feet has split in two and I am looking up from the bottom trying to decide which side to climb out of. Before I allow every single thought fruition, do note, I am as clueless as can be about this. It make absolutely no sense at all, yet makes all the sense in the world. Lord, you are very funny, it is obvious you get a kick out of me, why did you have to do all this.....on a Monday? There is so much more here to talk about, but it is better...out my mind, just in time.

Directions, please

Ideally I would love to have this blog be about my writing....it is not. It has become something else and I make no apologies. However there are some honorable mentions...that deserve attention. I am at a stagnant place now with my career. I thought I was stepping into something great and wonderful, but seems God has other plans for me. I admit I am nervous about being in this place of uncertainty and somewhat embarrassed to be pounding the pavement once again, but this is not a new place for me. In fact I have been here before and it does not get any better the second time around. I easily started to see myself successful and prosperous in what I thought was a great opportunity, but I did ask God to remove it from me if it was not HIS will.....and it was not.

Now, about my writing.....what is there to talk about? Why did I go to college for fiction writing? What am I really supposed to do with no experience outside of class? Yes this is a familiar song that I have sang before, however in my discouragement I admit, there is no one to blame but me.

In other news, I've joined a new church. I enjoy the teaching, though I do feel like an outsider a bit. The church is great....I'm just looking for the place where I belong.

Also, yesterday I challenged myself...the goal being to successfully ride my bike downtown. I made it to McCormick....and wow! what a feeling. It took me some time and frequent rest stops, but lawd have mercy....I made it! With nothing but sheer will power and determination I did it...which means I can do anything.....including remaining vegetarian, being sexually pure, totally committed to Christ and successful in life.

Funny how things that seem like a roadblock are just that, a block not a detour....on my way ( to wherever that "place" is).