Something's on my mind

So let's see what's new...Well I got a new gig, not much but at least it gives me something else to do, uh going to be moving soon...great!!! However what has me troubled is now the lack of time I used to have when I spent my days in total fellowship with the Father. I miss this place so very much and am starting to realize more and more, that this walk really is independent. I used to think wow, how great life could be if "two walked together and agree." I realize that statement of verse has its conditions, for two must have one thing (at least:-0) in common, that being that we must live for Christ everyday!!! I have found myself in somewhat of a delicious loop, the sweet taste of sin that has decided to take up permanent residence in the form of relationship. Because of this, I must return back to the love that has sustained my sometimes fruitless life for fear that all other love is futile. I do not like what I am permitting to happen, feeling like I'm abusing the abundant grace, and forgetting the wages of sin is.......well you know the rest. Have I lost that secret place in two short months?....... No I know I have not lost anything, I just miss the time when I was alone and only spoke of the goodness of the good Lord and all the wonders of what He does for all of us.
Again, I will state 'church' and all it represents has been a constant in my life like nothing else and the fact that I choose to live a life that may not be popular, comes as no surprise. I simply yet wholeheartedly love this life. I find no substitution for living this life that is not great all the time, but is ALL THE TIME GREAT! Yes I take pleasure in other things in life but only because it shows another layer of the brilliancy of God. Everything, all roads, all decisions I make must be under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, for I am not ashamed. I do believe, that two walking together in agreement, at least for me means I choose to walk with, in and for Christ...knowing I am never alone. I want it all back, my dance, my prayer life that at times overwhelms me, and my worship, most importantly my attitude that I choose life which means I don't choose sin.

P.S. There's a story I'm thinking of..... a woman, falls for a man and then gets so wrapped up in him that she falls deep into sin....is so hurt from the wound that love leaves that she runs so hard back to grace that she becomes a "Fool for Christ, a Jesus freak." She lives daily crucifying her flesh and God uses her in a way far beyond even her fiction dreams could imagine. She lives a celibate single life, loses some so called friends, but is received with open arms into Abraham's bosom, knowing the obedience was far greater than the sacrifice.....sound familiar?