Trois mois

I wish I had beautiful words to spill over the significance of today but I do not. Not only is today not what I envisioned but I have simply lived a lie. I led myself to believe in something that did not believe in me. I know without Christ people will never change, but with Christ all things are possible and constantly transforming, right?...

I can say this, it is official. What once was (if it ever truly was, for now I believe otherwise) is now not. What seemed like a lifetime was simply my wishful thinking. I wanted what I can never have, love. If I wasn't convinced, now I believe. I never wanted to feel like this again, never wanted to be this chick yet Me and Love have nothing in common.

NO LOVE

Today I had the honor of sitting in a Intercession Training 101 class at my church HPVC. Needless to say I had expectations like most attendees. Also needless to say God completely shattered, super exceeded my little ideas and opinions of who He is. Let me share some of what I learned. When we pray, who are we praying to? Are we praying to God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit? Who is it that we most address? I have a comfort in praying always "Father God in the name of Jesus." Today we were asked to get to know the trinity and learn the differences of their personality and to begin communication to the other figure that we don't pray to. For example I pray to the Father so my challenge is to build communication and relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, get it, got it, good. Also, I learned that oftentimes my dreams are not prophetic but simply my desires. Qualities that I admire in others are qualities I already have and may want more of. For example people that appear to be on fire for Christ are attractive to my spirit because I desire a certain maturity and confidence in Him. NOT THE PERSON BUT THE HOLY SPIRIT WITHIN. This revelation came with a little pain and rebuke, but those He loves he corrects so lets move on. Another lesson was learning to listen hear and pray what God says without filtering or any of me in the way. I was trained to pray hard, loud and intense because it was what I saw and therefore did. God being so awesome taught me today, no need to yell or scream, just speak in faith believe what I ask for and have confidence in His authority. I am not as bad as I thought I was. I too must be humbled, I too must be still before the Father so that I can be led of Him. The final thing I learned is that the Lord knows me, knows my weakness and hears me when I pray. This week started in such a spirit of lust of my flesh that I doomed myself right into hell. But thanks to the love of the Father, he kept me here, gave me forgiveness and the gift of repentance and I will not walk in that way again.
Overall I am learning more and more about what it means to be saved and set apart. I am confident that God led me to HPVC because there is more for me and it is more of Him that I desire. I am learning to trust in Him and not walk in fear. Amen

To love, I will not ask you to love me back, GOD is LOVE. I love having a Father that loves me so, He sent His ONLY Son that I may have eternal life, now that's love.