Monday, February 13, 2012

nfl

Days pass like years, hours like weeks, minutes like centuries that I was not a part of. Moments drip like coffee waiting for love. Breaths are quick and tattered waiting for love. Wanting so desperately to be in sync forever waiting for love. Safety security withholding my love from me, taking each gap further than before. Come closer

Sunday, February 5, 2012

truth

Have you loved for so long that it is embedded in your identity? Before I knew the cliche what love is (though lately I've questioned the notion), before life spread me across the carpet of heartbreak hotel. Before I could express what I felt, before I could say its name. Before puberty, periods, post partum, attitudes, anger, abuse, hope, desperation, jealousy, struggle, depression and disappointment. Before pregnancy and PTA meetings, before denial and divorce, before vows and virginity, before love songs and lactate, before judge and jury, before the power of pain, there was him. The love that withstands time. The love that stretches and runs deep, the love that is tribal and sacred, the love that was real before I could say it. Before I would ever know that love is conditional, it was him. Before the last train to Brooklyn left it was him. More than two decades ago I met what would become my NFL, the one whose presence has always seemed fleeting. The one who trumps all others the one who because of his absence gave room for others to hurt me and leave scars skin deep. Before all of those experiences taught me a thing or two about myself and men, it was him. Before during and after it will always be him. A word a song a book a definition a poem cannot define what this means to me. Nothing compares nothing in this side of the world, in this here temple can ever come in the same space as this. Until I am able to fully embrace the divinity of it all, I am forever waiting. I am always hoping but never finding the right time when lives collide and burst forth beauty. Foolishly I believe in the highest greatest love of all..him. Foolishly I dance the night crawl in search of what I can only find in him. Foolishly I wait for once to happen forever... I adore you