Update

So a lot has happened since the last post but the most recent of these events have shifted me into complete oblivion. I have tasted and smelled pain so consistently that at times I questioned my place in life. Love played a terrible joke on me....again.  I said yes to what resembled love and took a serious risk only to have the last laugh played across my heart and body. I stepped in the passing lane and watched the apples fall by the road while my heart went along for the ride. I lost but this time the damage was minimal. So being the intense creature of habit  I am I have returned to the comfort zone where love remains an unsolved mystery and very uninviting.

Since the BK, the change at home has come full circle and the manifest was difficult at times but  I'm okay with all of it now. I have come to accept the single lady lifestyle with ease...well most days. My children have blossomed into fuller beanstalks (no pun intended). We are preparing to surrender the eldest to the grounds of higher education with a single thought, desire and prayer...SUCCESS. I am confident things will work out though at times I'm concerned. Life has been hard but we are getting through it at my amazement each day.

So....this little note here is also to express my joy of a wonderful new friendship forming. Gracias senor EM.

This is also to highlight more change....I am ready to move I am ready for ownership. I am ready to defend and conquer all that matters to me...and that is a whole lot. I stand for one thing and its the love of the Father which means I follow none but become all things for all to win some..ADieu

nfl

Days pass like years, hours like weeks, minutes like centuries that I was not a part of. Moments drip like coffee waiting for love. Breaths are quick and tattered waiting for love. Wanting so desperately to be in sync forever waiting for love. Safety security withholding my love from me, taking each gap further than before. Come closer

Now

Ok, so here's where I am today. After the whirlwind my little heart endured on Friday, the days following I detoxed and re introduced my appetite as strict vegetarian. For the last 4 almost 5 years I have been a vegetarian and have struggled to maintain a stable weight, well with this new level of basically eliminating all animal foods I feel this will be even better. So I have kept my personal promise to myself and am now vegan. Now this is no easy task and is not cheap which I discovered today at the supermarket, but the energy and holistic approach to life I have taken, this is a natural progression.

Now, about my heart, yesterday was different yet somewhat familiar. There is a thick rope that ties me to the forbidden fruit. Today not a single word has been spoken to reassure me that the dream is reality. I believe it has all been just a silly if not clever, dream that I have unwillingly been awake the whole time. So as I attempt to alter my diet slightly I also am hoping to shed the weight of familiarity and the desires that will NEVER be reality. I thought I was pass this, but as it seems, I am...well I am unsure of where I am. I do however know that as always, all good things must come to an end, when is the end? When will all the magic that supposed to happen, become real for me? When will I finally give all my love to one without fear? Soon, very soon, the truth of love will once and for all take me in as its own and make all my dreams come true.