Update

So a lot has happened since the last post but the most recent of these events have shifted me into complete oblivion. I have tasted and smelled pain so consistently that at times I questioned my place in life. Love played a terrible joke on me....again.  I said yes to what resembled love and took a serious risk only to have the last laugh played across my heart and body. I stepped in the passing lane and watched the apples fall by the road while my heart went along for the ride. I lost but this time the damage was minimal. So being the intense creature of habit  I am I have returned to the comfort zone where love remains an unsolved mystery and very uninviting.

Since the BK, the change at home has come full circle and the manifest was difficult at times but  I'm okay with all of it now. I have come to accept the single lady lifestyle with ease...well most days. My children have blossomed into fuller beanstalks (no pun intended). We are preparing to surrender the eldest to the grounds of higher education with a single thought, desire and prayer...SUCCESS. I am confident things will work out though at times I'm concerned. Life has been hard but we are getting through it at my amazement each day.

So....this little note here is also to express my joy of a wonderful new friendship forming. Gracias senor EM.

This is also to highlight more change....I am ready to move I am ready for ownership. I am ready to defend and conquer all that matters to me...and that is a whole lot. I stand for one thing and its the love of the Father which means I follow none but become all things for all to win some..ADieu

?uestions

I like to believe that I have a keen sense of intelligence and curiosity. I also would like to believe that the things that I question, are also questions others want answers to. For instance, a tragic death (murder-suicide) has occurred to a loved one's family and my question is "How could she not have known?" I wonder if when through the direct notion of the Holy Spirit, the truth is revealed about things, people and situations, how come we do not listen and respond by trusting His guidance? I often ask, then punish myself because I did not heed the word of warning, only to find the outcome of my disobedience or ignorance to be disappointing. I have so many questions, that this little note will not be sufficient or I will tire of typing. So to get some of the relief I desire from life itself I'll list a few:

why did she have to die?
why did it have to happen so violently to such a beautiful life?
why does my body hurt so much, and when will it heal itself?
what did I do so bad, that he had to leave?
why am I not being consistent in anything?
what really happens after death?
how can she stay with him, and be so unhappy?
when will my 'ship' really come in?
what am I so afraid of, why am I giving fear so much power?
whose to say that his heart can't change?
what is freedom?
why is ignorance amongst people normal?
what is it that keeps some young black men from wanting to try and succeed?
what will it take for me to lose the weight and keep it off?
when will I really know the love of Christ and it keeps me?
what will it take for me to get ahead?
what is it like to have a 'real' job?
what makes people think and do the things we do?
when will I get serious about my writing?
where are all my friends?
why ask?