Resignation

As of yesterday and all that it represents, it is now stated officially. I SUCK AT LOVE AND THEREBY RESIGN MY CANDIDACY. This  means I will not run for, after or from love. I will not seek solace in its acceptance. I have opened up my heart to its acceptance only to be kicked to the curb like a homeless veteran. So I say to the last few especially CLF....thanks for nothing. Thanks for sharing but not really caring. If sharing is caring you clearly don't give a f&*(.  If love is blind I need glasses. If love conquers all, I surrender. If love is patient and kind, I'm exhausted and angry. To senor....whatever! To MDB????. Its days like today when the need to be explicit and honest lead me. Its moments like the one right now when I must stand up and walk away from this losing game. Its moments like today when I wish the one love I had stayed intact and I never have to go through this nonsense ever again. To all those that came  after love left I bid you adieu. I say no to love as it has brutally said HELL NO to me. I think I am a beautiful beauty well worth loves invitation, but the most high has spoken and said, not right now. Its like why bother with the idea of what is not?

It would be quite easy to surrender my body for its cruel imitation, but that would be more useless and foolish and quite frankly, idiotic. Yes there are nights, days, months where I crave a touch of  love and go through my contacts and quickly decide otherwise, but even that is futile. I only wanted one love and I've not seen it as pure as the first. I've not shared the love of Christ and the passion of life together since the first love. None have quite surpassed the standard. Am I complaining...yea but only to come to and accept the resolution. I quit! I say to love, you won and always win with matters of the heart, so no thank you to this sickness. I will continue to tame this flesh and renew my love for the most high and you are no longer welcome here.

Really

Pain, pain go away Why did you come back, are you here to stay, again?
As has been the story of my life. By design I have avoided anything similar to love. After the one chance that I got that ended bittersweet, I simply gave up. I believed that my heart would never open up to give or receive love. Lately like the fool that I have always been with matters of the heart, I opened up and started to simply believe. Tried to imagine life shared and not have to direct its course. I was completely caught off guard and tried to manage it but its power is beyond my strength. As quickly as the weather can go from hot to cold in the city is as quickly as love laughed at me. Love reminded me that I am not invited to share its bliss. Love told me explicitly that 'Today is not your day and tomorrow does not look good either.' But love, you told me I could come to your world. You said you were sent from heaven just for me and that all I had to do was believe. What happened love, why, how can you pretend that you were for me? How can it be shared between every opposite in creation, but not for me?
So I stepped back, giving love the space to completely overwhelm me and never ever miss me again. Love stepped back, love was never this close, love has said goodbye.....again???

To love, I say, no love, no more, nothing