Members Society

That title sounds cool, right? Makes you want to read further on and see if your idea of membership and society are similar to my own, right? Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this is not at all about a society but a response to a blog I'm reading.
Back story: Ms SNH has been seen a lot in life and rarely heard. This is because she does not want the battle of acceptance vs. rejection to ensue. So she hides the mental labyrinth in hopes of keeping intruders away. She is easy on the eyes which scares her because it is physical and not at all how she sees herself. (BTW, yes she is writing of herself on her blog in third person....and yes she is being ambitious with that liberty) She has lived a life of separation from her truth because she fears judgment from the planet that offers such hope...NOT! In fact in her perfect world she lives in greens, blues and clear water and hunts to no avail. Yes she is somewhat amazing in her thinking process but it is her musings that clearly define her. Every word has a point of entry and can be traced  to sign across her heart that beats only for one, the MOST HIGH!.  Of all that matters in life to her nothing and no one compares to Him. But this post is not about that..go to dying daily for that.

So the blog I am reading is from a transplant and in spite of grammar is quite interesting. I have found a renewed love for the written word and have continued to profess that I am writing this book though at times is stagnant and without reason. My studies tell me all the semantics of my craft, but the subject seems to resonate over all my work...I write what I know and I know me. So to one writer who seeks meaning in language I say write what you know and in that you are writing what is truth.  But back to what this is about. Recently this SNH has taken another exit from the windy city to the city that never sleeps and once again found herself in the company of love. She loves this place so intently that she must be there everyday for the next whenever. She has set a date for this move and will have to face her fears during the 10 hour drive to "home."

Yes to spread love is the Brooklyn way (sorry) but the love she wants to spread is the love of ABBA  for no other love is really love. Yes she still believes in love but is not seeking it...or is she?

At the very least, workshops, deadlines, content writing, training, bills, exhaust pipes, fur balls, dust mites, periods, alarms, no parking, alternate parking?, worship, carfare, internship, allowances, deductions, exemptions, dreams, programs, music, dope, cloves, vodka, meds, fish oil capsules, tofu, bloggarrhea, cats, no dogs, dates, assignments, loans, payments, income (not enough), hopes, tires, eyebrows, heels, Corinth, friends, family, love, fear, pain, balance, hype, break and stay is a part of everyday for me and to write, to dance, to sing is what frees me. So write love, write until you are out of ideas and then write some more.

Work

I have been thinking a lot about the state I am in. I find myself oftentimes saddened by the lack of work I have produced since College. I have taken a long deep look at the list of available excuses and resolved to find the truth. The truth is I simply have not had or felt a reason to write any stories. I also accept that I am dependent on the creative energy of other writers, particularly those seated in the semi-circle of any Fiction class at CCC. So what does this mean for me now? Glad you asked. This means that I am in fact wasting my talent by blogging only about my foolish emotions when I should be writing. It also means that because of my co dependency issues, I need an accountability partner, someone to hold me responsible for pushing myself to write everyday. Perhaps this means grad school??? Perhaps this means writers group.?? Whatever it means, I digress. Writing is what I love and reading as much as I do, I need to do what makes me happy, to write and share the gift God gave me with the world.

If only I knew how to do that

Directions, please

Ideally I would love to have this blog be about my writing....it is not. It has become something else and I make no apologies. However there are some honorable mentions...that deserve attention. I am at a stagnant place now with my career. I thought I was stepping into something great and wonderful, but seems God has other plans for me. I admit I am nervous about being in this place of uncertainty and somewhat embarrassed to be pounding the pavement once again, but this is not a new place for me. In fact I have been here before and it does not get any better the second time around. I easily started to see myself successful and prosperous in what I thought was a great opportunity, but I did ask God to remove it from me if it was not HIS will.....and it was not.

Now, about my writing.....what is there to talk about? Why did I go to college for fiction writing? What am I really supposed to do with no experience outside of class? Yes this is a familiar song that I have sang before, however in my discouragement I admit, there is no one to blame but me.

In other news, I've joined a new church. I enjoy the teaching, though I do feel like an outsider a bit. The church is great....I'm just looking for the place where I belong.

Also, yesterday I challenged myself...the goal being to successfully ride my bike downtown. I made it to McCormick....and wow! what a feeling. It took me some time and frequent rest stops, but lawd have mercy....I made it! With nothing but sheer will power and determination I did it...which means I can do anything.....including remaining vegetarian, being sexually pure, totally committed to Christ and successful in life.

Funny how things that seem like a roadblock are just that, a block not a detour....on my way ( to wherever that "place" is).