Notice

I desire to serve God with my whole heart and do not wish to straddle the fence and play with fire. I do not wish to toy with my past. I do not desire to walk in or with those that do not speak the love of Christ that I desire. This means I will lose friends and family. This means I will gain an insatiable love of God and desire Him more than anything, anyone else in the world. To you I say, what matters most? Are you choosing Christ over everything else? If today is the last, will He know you before His Father?

Clearly

At the very least all that I can say is that love is blind and beautiful. I would like to add that love is a difficult phenomenon that is hard at times to explain. As much as people (self included) want it, it comes with some responsibilities. I know that I am loved and am capable of giving love, however I am stumped over the form it comes in. I used to believe that love is dead and that marriage is for old folks, I am beginning to think differently.

I want to share more about this but cannot because I am unsure of what it all means. Love is golden, sharing is amazing, live and love well

Line

I have but one wish, (if I believed in them) it is to have love come back to me. To stay with me forever and a day, to never again walk away. To share everyday for the rest of this beautiful life together, to say yes to me always. To speak love in my air, to never ever ever leave but to love me and only me for as long as time gives us space. I digress

Lost

One thing is clear, things have not been the same since love walked away. Tell me the right words to say to bring love back into my life. Show me the picture to paint to speak my truth and recover what is for me. Give me the patience to wait and see what tomorrow may bring. Please love come back to me

Trois mois

I wish I had beautiful words to spill over the significance of today but I do not. Not only is today not what I envisioned but I have simply lived a lie. I led myself to believe in something that did not believe in me. I know without Christ people will never change, but with Christ all things are possible and constantly transforming, right?...

I can say this, it is official. What once was (if it ever truly was, for now I believe otherwise) is now not. What seemed like a lifetime was simply my wishful thinking. I wanted what I can never have, love. If I wasn't convinced, now I believe. I never wanted to feel like this again, never wanted to be this chick yet Me and Love have nothing in common.

NO LOVE

Today I had the honor of sitting in a Intercession Training 101 class at my church HPVC. Needless to say I had expectations like most attendees. Also needless to say God completely shattered, super exceeded my little ideas and opinions of who He is. Let me share some of what I learned. When we pray, who are we praying to? Are we praying to God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit? Who is it that we most address? I have a comfort in praying always "Father God in the name of Jesus." Today we were asked to get to know the trinity and learn the differences of their personality and to begin communication to the other figure that we don't pray to. For example I pray to the Father so my challenge is to build communication and relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit, get it, got it, good. Also, I learned that oftentimes my dreams are not prophetic but simply my desires. Qualities that I admire in others are qualities I already have and may want more of. For example people that appear to be on fire for Christ are attractive to my spirit because I desire a certain maturity and confidence in Him. NOT THE PERSON BUT THE HOLY SPIRIT WITHIN. This revelation came with a little pain and rebuke, but those He loves he corrects so lets move on. Another lesson was learning to listen hear and pray what God says without filtering or any of me in the way. I was trained to pray hard, loud and intense because it was what I saw and therefore did. God being so awesome taught me today, no need to yell or scream, just speak in faith believe what I ask for and have confidence in His authority. I am not as bad as I thought I was. I too must be humbled, I too must be still before the Father so that I can be led of Him. The final thing I learned is that the Lord knows me, knows my weakness and hears me when I pray. This week started in such a spirit of lust of my flesh that I doomed myself right into hell. But thanks to the love of the Father, he kept me here, gave me forgiveness and the gift of repentance and I will not walk in that way again.
Overall I am learning more and more about what it means to be saved and set apart. I am confident that God led me to HPVC because there is more for me and it is more of Him that I desire. I am learning to trust in Him and not walk in fear. Amen

To love, I will not ask you to love me back, GOD is LOVE. I love having a Father that loves me so, He sent His ONLY Son that I may have eternal life, now that's love.

Confessions

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16 kjv

I confess I have given people the benefit of the doubt perhaps more than they deserve. I have believed in the words of man and have thought that having Christ in one's life has meaning. I have believed that there is nothing in life that God cannot change. I have also believed that healing is for all. I believe that the God I serve, (the almighty) is absolutely NOT a man that He should lie or the son of man that He should repent. In that, we are not God, we are and will always come short of His glory. I recognize my own errors and know that I truly am NOTHING without God. I know that because I care, I am susceptible to hurt. I have been hurt by another follower of Christ. My actions have caused me to be rejected and condemned. THANK God that He is not like man. Because I have allowed this seed to grow into an ugly weed, I must tear it down.
To you who were allowed to hurt me, I forgive you. To you who lied to me and told me I mattered when you knew I meant nothing to you, I forgive you. To you who led me to believe in love, I forgive you.
Father in the name of your son Jesus, I thank you for the gift of life you have given me. I thank you there is no pain on earth that heaven cannot heal. I thank you that there is none on earth that will ever, ever, ever be enough. I am thankful that your love sent Jesus. I am thankful for your new daily mercies. I am thankful for your sufficient grace. I ask that you forgive me for putting my trust in man. I confess I have walked in error and acknowledge that my sin is always before me. Against you and you only have I sinned and done this evil in your sight. Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean. I thank you that I know without any doubt that I have forgiveness because of Jesus. I know and thank you that you are faithful and just to forgive. I ask you Lord to heal my heart, to keep me because I desire to be kept. I ask that I never fall again for the spirit of deception and only follow your voice.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. I receive forgiveness in the name above every other name, Jesus, I pray.

"WHOA Neg, what are you talking about? What is going on in that head of yours?" Her best friend asked as she read her blog on the train. "I have to call her and see what's going on." Don't bother, the Lord is the love of my life. He had made me glad, His love for me is unconditional. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. It is in Him that I live, move and have my being.